Thoughts after a show – on serving ….

So today I had a show… Seems normal but actually only last year & unplanned I suddenly became a ‘band’ on my own & got forced to also become a pianist after nearly 20 years of not touching the keys..And this time, the show was in an old stinky pub round the corner… Sadly as most times they did not have a piano so I had to drag down my mini (=sounding sh**) shaky keyboard & pretend I can play it… And, as usual, with so many friends that “so much want to see me live blah blah”, no one could make it… Ok London is big & there s so many much more fun things to do 🙂 & when there is deluge outside – like tonight – it does not encourage you to go anywhere let alone cross the river 😉 but even though you know & understand it all, it still hurts when you realise after 10 years none of the people you know can show up at your show ((thank you so so so SO much to all who ever came to my shows!!! I was nearly physically ill – I knew I could still run away, & I kept asking myself why I keep doing it to myself: why I keep playing live on shit keyboard? Why do I keep sharing my songs at all? when maybe it s all sh** & I should have stopped ages ago… WHY? I promised I would NEVER do it again. EVER. In nervousness, I panicked & texted a friend to feel better. Aren’t you supposed to share...